Appreciation

– I’ve never been able to admit this to anyone before.
– Thank you for trusting me with it. You are very brave to do it now.

Validation

– I don’t think I am doing this very well. I am boring you.
– I really do want to hear all about it. This is really hard stuff you’re working on; you’re doing great!

Paraphrasing

– I can barely stand to think about it, it was so painful.
– That incident really hurt you a lot.

Permission

– I know I shouldn’t be so mad, but it really bothered me!
– You have a right to feel your feelings. It is fine to let that anger be there.

When you don’t know what to say, remember that loving attention is a powerful tool in itself!

Thank you to Nekole Shapiro of Holistic Peer Counseling for allowing us to adapt her material for this instruction, and her model for our group!