It’s so simple!  It’s all about loving attention and the powerful healing that releases.

Here are some general guidelines:

Keep confidentiality. This is the first rule of the group.

Permit and encourage any form of release. Different people have different needs. When all forms of release are treated as valid, each person will find the right way to release their stuck hurt.

Do not confuse the healing process with the hurt itself.  Tears, trembling, or outbursts are not an expression of the hurt itself; they are the releasing of the hurt.

Avoid drugs and alcohol prior to engaging with each other.  Be mindful even about your sugar and caffeine intake, as they affect people in different ways.  (I, Cristen, don’t engage in permissive counseling when I’ve had a certain amount of coffee. I know it makes me more aggressive and less present.)

Here are some more specific guidelines:

Ground yourself or “get in your body.” Spend a little time grounding and centering yourself before you engage with the group (or your client).   This might take 30 seconds or much longer, depending on how new this practice is for you. The good news: it’s a very simple practice that gets easier every time you do it. Here are some simple ideas for getting grounded.

Think well of each other. Look at each other and respect each other as real human beings underneath the masks and postures we all assume. Even if the person in front of us has forgotten it for the moment, they are capable and their own best guide. Simply providing loving attention is deeply healing by itself, and counteracts the core hurts we all have around not getting enough quality attention.

Give quality attention. Quality attention is centered around what the other person needs, not what we need or are curious about. This means making comments that validate each other’s feelings, expressing interest in others’ well-being and words, paraphrasing what they are saying (rather than steering it), and permitting/encouraging emotional release.

End by “Presencing.” It’s important to transition out of old memories or unpleasant thoughts and back into the present moment. This can be a physical act like looking around the room and saying what you see, or getting up and moving around. It can be as simple as switching the topic of conversation to something pleasant, positive, or neutral.

Thank you to Nekole Shapiro of Holistic Peer Counseling for allowing us to adapt her material for this instruction, and her model for our group!